


Joke's On You

by InOmniaParatus



Series: Five Word Sentences [2]
Category: Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)
Genre: M/M, Pining, Unrequited Love, painfully awkward car rides
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-09
Updated: 2016-05-09
Packaged: 2018-06-07 08:59:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 489
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6797593
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InOmniaParatus/pseuds/InOmniaParatus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"He thought you was bummin' me, yeah? I'm in there, all like <em>Uncle</em> this and <em>Uncle</em> that, and the whole time, the mark thought you was undressin' me with your eyes."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Joke's On You

**Author's Note:**

> I sort of hate it, but this is today's result.
> 
> The 5 word sentence was "How is this not hilarious?"

 

"Ain't that funny?"

Harry Hart refused to answer the question even as the words twisted painfully in his chest. He sulked instead, glaring through the window as the glittering lights of London rolled past.

Eggsy, however, prattled on. The subtleties of espionage training were seemingly lost on the younger man, and he seemed cheerfully unaware of his companion's increasingly foul mood.

"He thought you was bummin' me, yeah? I'm in there, all like _Uncle_ this and _Uncle_  that, and the whole time, the mark thought you was undressin' me with your eyes."

From the way Eggsy's bicep pressed gently against his own, sat as they were in the cramped backseat, Harry could feel the guffaws shaking the boys body. He felt hyper-aware of it, as though every nerve in his body was straining towards Eggsy's heat, even through the layers of clothing.

"Har–" he started, then erupted into aanother fit of giggles. "Harry, d'you reckon he thought you were my _daddy_?"

Harry's laissez-faire attitude had survived many horrific scenarios—interrogations, bombings, a gunshot wound to the face—but each new word that filled the air in their snug Kingsman cab settled on his chest like a weight, suffocating him.

"Eggsy," he said, his voice as even as he could manage. "Do shut up."

"C'mon. How is this not hilarious?"

Harry kept his mouth shut and his face turned to the window, watching the facades of Mayfair draw them ever closer to Savile Row.

He needed a drink—or ten—and perhaps some time off, during which he would wait for the mortification and infatuation to wear off and essentially _never leave the house again._

Eggsy's oblivious, quiet chuckles filled the silence for the few long minutes until they were dropped off at the shop.

By the time they reached the office on the landing—where the brass nameplate on the door proclaimed it to be Arthur's—Harry's admittedly limited patience was wearing. Eggsy had thankfully gotten the laughter out of his system, though Harry wasn't overly certain he wanted to hear whatever "profound" contemplation that had set his brow into a furrow.

"Hey, y'know, all told, it's a better cover than that whole uncle an' nephew schtick," the younger man started slowly. "We could try it again, see how it goes. D'you reckon you can make out like you want in my pants, Harry?"

He knew Eggsy wasn't _purposefully_ being hurtful, but his earnest, considerate tone—like he really believed that behaving with desire, that touching him would be a chore for Harry—was too much. The mission had been long, the taxi ride had been humiliating, and he couldn't make himself continue with this farce even a moment longer.

He opened his office door and, careful to avoid looking at that young, handsome face, said "For such a smart boy, Galahad, you don't half talk rubbish sometimes."

He slammed the door, leaving a dumbfounded Eggsy on the landing.


End file.
